We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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