The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
