just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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