My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
