but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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