All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
