shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
