Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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