all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
