i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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