definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
