ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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