I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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