So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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