'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
