Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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