We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
