Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
