Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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