We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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