everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
