i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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