Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
