Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
