no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
