Cold hands, warm shart.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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