the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
