some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
