There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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