My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The best revenge is premature balding
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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