My hand turned me down
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What a dumb baby whore.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
