We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Randomize
