just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
