He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
