If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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