There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
