you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
