It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
