she woke up with a sticky ear
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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