hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its not stalking. its research.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
