How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
