I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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