look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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