do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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