I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
