so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
