First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
