what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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