one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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