Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
