Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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