I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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