If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
